HOLIDAZZLE!

Lauren left Harris House in June of 2009. She and I shared a room for our first two years out of the dorms, and while a third was never part of the plan, I couldn't shake the feeling that this move was a break-up. I watched as she tore our pictures from the wall, as frozen faces suddenly found themselves smiling into dark corners, at gag gifts and staplers and large tangles of plastic hangers. The boxes piled up quickly. We attempted to discuss custody of our costume collection, but failed to reach a suitable resolution, so it stayed put. No contract, we said. She could visit as often as she liked.

Adjusting to life without Lauren was difficult at first. I'd still refer to the entire left half of the room as "Lauren's side," and kept it empty for my first few months as sole tenant. But more recently, I've discovered the advantages of having one's own room. Sleeping nude has been a big one, as well as the freedom to fart loudly, but by far the biggest perk of Lauren's absence is my new ability to give her horrendously tacky gifts without having to look her in the eye each morning.

Enter: a pair of white canvas shoes, some embellishing glue, and seven bags of rare gemstones imported from JoAnns.








Merry Christmas, Lauren (or, more appropriately, I'm sorry).